At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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