Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize