dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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