oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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