She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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