you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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