I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
