You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
