Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
