Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
