beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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