When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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