yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
