i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
