I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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