I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
