I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
