the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize