I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
