Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
