So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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