Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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