the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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