You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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