God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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