a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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