no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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