pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
