I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
