you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
