you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
