The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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