Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
