Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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