Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
