Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
