dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
