i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
