Where is the hickey?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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