did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
