Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
