god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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