Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
accomplished twins. life is a go
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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