We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
