I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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