i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
