i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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