she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cannot find my penis.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize