I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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