this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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