do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
