How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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