So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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