I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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