I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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