I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
