i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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