all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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