Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
