At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
