she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
