You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
