There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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