I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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